Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize