Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
