i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
