My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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