Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
