I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
