Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
