I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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