Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
