end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you inspire me to be a worse person
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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