On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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