hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
