I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
