If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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