You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
