I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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