My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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