those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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