I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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