she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
