do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
