that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
