Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
