Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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