He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize