How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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