me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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