yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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