Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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