his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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