Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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