maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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