just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
