Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Welp...herpes.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
