Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
