I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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