He uses pillows to masturbate.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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