He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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