i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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