The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
