Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
