I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
