your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
