Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
