After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
