I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
