Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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