So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
