Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
