I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
