i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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