It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
