I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just tell him i said nine months
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
