What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
