He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My bed smells like the plague
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
