i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
