I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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