Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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