hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
