Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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