my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
