I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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