Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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