Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize