I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
