If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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