Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
