you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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