i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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