I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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