I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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