Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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